Don't Be a Hater

It seems that knitlandia can be divided into two camps: VK haters and VK lovers. Well, paint me pink and croon me a ballad, because

Knitterary Hearts Vogue Knitting

The current issue generally lives on the left-hand front corner of my desk, perched atop my slush pile. (For those of you not in publishing, "slush" is what we call an unsolicited manuscript, and "pile" is the cutesy-poo diminutive applied to the avalanche of dead tree shavings forklifted into our offices six days a week. A slush pile ain't a thing of beauty, but a VK on top does gussy it up some.)

What draws me to knitting is exactly what draws me to sewing. I like garment design and construction. No deep zenlike philosophies here. I just like it, and because that's what I like, I also like VK. The patterns are bold and well-executed. I can find rich fodder for knitdreaming in the pages, no matter how many times I've already leafed through the issue. I know, I know, their sizes range from starving third world child all the way up to anorexic supermodel, but I can usually figure out how to upsize them. Or normalsize them. Depending on your perspective.

The designs are usually more interesting than what you find in some of the other knitting mags. Yes, I concede that sometimes "interesting" amounts to "so weird that even the bag lady on Lower Wacker wouldn't dress her pet bicycle tire Fluffy in it, not even if you paid her four Milk Duds and half a cement brick to do it." I usually just treat these strange patterns as comic relief and keep turning the pages.

For my money, this month's candidate for "Not Fit To Be Worn By A Schizo's Pet Rubber Tube" goes to the bizarrely French-knotted baby onesie with the Charo-esque ruffled hems. I usually love this particular designer's designs, but egad! This thing is practically deformed from the thousands and thousands of teenie weenie French knots, and did I mention all the damn French knots? There are so many of them, they look like hedgerows, and personally I don't think it's good to dress a baby in shrubbery. And by the time you got all the embellishments in place, the onesie would weigh more than the baby.

Did any of you read the liner notes for this thing? "Babies make the perfect tiny, beautiful, helpless models," she wrote.

Helpless.

Yup.

Because if any infant could help it, she sure wouldn't wear that thing.

But I digress. I meant to write with great verve and eloquence about all the patterns I love in the current issue. The mesh hoodie beach cover-up that will be perfect for weekends at our lake house. The very interesting twisted cable tee from Vladimir Teriokhin worked in, of all things, Coats & Clark TLC Cotton Plus. The Michael Kors short-sleeved cardigan, or the three-button cardigan with eyelet detailing and small gathers over the bust, or the kimono with the lovely zigzag texture stitch, any of which could see a lot of use in a summer wardrobe. And, above all, the I-Must-Cast-This-On-Right-This-Very-Minute lace babydoll dress from the cover. Love this dress. LOVE it.

Yet despite all this pink heart love and swoony knitdreaminess, what do I do? I lose the stars in my eyes and start ripping on the one pattern that guarantees VK will preserve its reputation for bewildering, unwearable fashions.

But that doesn't make me a VK-hater.