Chicago (KPI) - Two renegade balls of Filatura di Crosa 501 confessed to crimes of mathematics against a knitter, claiming she deserved it for knitting with other wool.
The crime was committed during a regular meeting of the South Suburban Stitch-n-Bitch in full view of a half dozen shocked knitters.
"It was awful," says Becca, a founding member of the group. "One minute, the cabled vest was knitting up smoothly, and then all of a sudden, seven stitches were missing from each side of the neckline."
The vest in question is the Wall Street Vest from Best of Arans and Celtics. Authorities confirm that the neckline is indeed seven stitches too wide on either side.
"I smelled smoke," claims Bethany, "so I took my eyes off my luscious pink baby blanket in progress. I was sitting right next to Knitterary, so I probably was the first to realize her brain wires had short circuited from the bad math."
Knitterary, the victim, showed signs of severe emotional trauma in addition to the lingering after-effects of the small brain fire. "I don't understand it. I did the math twice and got the same result both times. So how can I be off by fourteen stitches?"
When Knitterary learned that her wool had done it on purpose, she wept and cursed the heavens. "Why? Why would they do this to me? Don't they understand that ripping back hurts us both?"
The wool had no comment, but rolled itself into a ball and whispered, "Hussy, hussy, hussy." Authorities say it will be sentenced to at least a week in knitting jail in the deepest darkest corner of Knitterary's closet.
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2 comments:
Yeah, it was very traumatic... my goodness, we had to pull her away from the fireplace.
Jail time at the very least!
I still see the horror every time I close my eyes.
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